th_esaurus requested a Merlin/Pokémon ficsnippet in this entry, but it became a little long for a comment, so here it is!

(This is an expansion of a commentfic I wrote some months ago, so some of you may have seen the opening before.)

I apologise sincerely for the title.



Title: Pokémon: DragonFire Red Version (or 'Gotta Camelotch Them All')
Fandoms: Merlin/Pokémon
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,800ish
Summary: In which Pokémon appear in Camelot.


( Gotta Camelotch Them All )

Today, I rushed from London to Brighton for a seminar that, I discovered upon arrival, had been cancelled.

Mildly put out, I returned to my Brighton abode, where I found a large and intriguing-looking package waiting for me. The details on the back informed me that the sender was a Vayne Aurelius, who, I discovered after a quick Googling, is the protagonist of a game called Mana Khemia: Alchemists of Al-Revis.

This was perplexing.

I opened the package to find a copy of The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases, the editors of which, according to the blurb, 'received their medical degrees in a dream', and a rather charming and apologetic note from Mr Aurelius, written on the back of a 'Combat Basics 1' exercise sheet ('What to do if you encounter an extraterrestial:'), in which he explained that someone had wished that he send me the book and expressed his hope that I didn't mind receiving it. Inside the book was an empty envelope, on which was written 'To my dear Wainwright, with affectionate regards, Lady Cloudesley'.

I am deeply, deeply confused, and I have absolutely no idea who is responsible, but thank you so much! (I love the level of detail that's gone into this.)


I'm not participating in National Novel Writing Month this year, but I've decided that I'm going to try to at least write something every day during the month of November, whether it's a snippet or a full fic or part of a work in progress. Yesterday, I wrote a tiny clip of Jane and Cho snogging in the interrogation room; today, I am calling upon you to help me.


Give me a prompt, and I'll write you a ficsnippet. Multiple requests are more than welcome!


Feel free to request from anything you know I know! (Requesting from things you don't know I know is acceptable, but in that case it would probably be an idea to include a request or two from something you know I know as well, so you don't end up with 'BARNEY WAS A PERSON (PROBABLY). HE WAS PLAYED BY NEIL PATRICK HARRIS (I THINK, BUT I THINK EVERYONE'S PLAYED BY NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, SO I CAN'T BE SURE). HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS A SITCOM, SO AMUSING THINGS PROBABLY HAPPENED. THE END.') Crossovers and the like are, of course, fine.

(I'd be delighted if you made Mentalist requests, but please bear in mind that I'm only just starting to write these characters, so I'm still trying to get to grips with them. I've seen up to the first-season finale.)

Make as many requests as you'd like (and please don't feel you have to know me well to request a snippet); as I've said, I'm going to be trying to write every day, so any prompts would be gratefully received. Thank you!

Like most fanfiction writers, I imagine, I've started quite a few stories that I've never finished. Most of them never get past a few snippets. It's a shame and a waste, but it happens.

Looking through my unfinished fanfiction, however, I've just stumbled across this. It is, essentially, a Supernatural AU inspired by Pushing Daisies, in which Dean Winchester gains Ned's ability to wake the dead by touching them. It's almost a year old, so I doubt I'm ever going to finish it, but it is unusual amongst my abandoned fics in having about 2,500 words of continuous prose, as opposed to comprising only disconnected snippets.

Some of you may already have seen this, as I originally wrote it in the comments to one of futuresoon's entries, but I thought I would post it here, as I quite like what I had. I won't be posting it to any communities, as, well, it's not finished (it fairly obviously doesn't explore the full possibilities of the concept) and I'm unlikely to continue it, but I hope you enjoy it if you read.

It starts during Dean's conversation with the Crossroads Demon all the way back in 'All Hell Breaks Loose Part Two', and it's not rated more than PG-13.


( In which Dean gains the power of resurrection: an abandoned Supernatural fic. )

Terrible Things I Have Written, Number I Think I've Lost Count:


"This is all a bit narcissistic, really, isn't it?" Derren asked through the haze of feeling; some of it was pain and some of it was pleasure, and he wouldn't have been able to separate the two had he been paid to.

"Because that's such a departure for you," the other Derren remarked, shifting to put more pressure on Derren's hips and sternum. Derren could feel shards of glass digging into the small of his back. "Every show you've ever made is essentially furious intellectual masturbation. This is just the same, except with less metaphorical coming over the audience's collective face."


I SHOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ALLOWED TO WRITE SEX SCENES.

(I do think that someone needs to write about Derren Brown having sex with himself on broken glass, though. The day I get to use both the 'pairing: derren brown/himself' and the 'pairing: derren brown/pain' tags on a single fic will be a happy one indeed. (Both of those tags have already been created. I love my tiny ridiculous fandom. It is such a shame that I should clearly be banned from writing for it. Maybe I should get back to that Merlin-and-Gwen bodyswap thing instead.))

I post most of my Derren Brown fanfiction directly to derrenbrownfic, but it has been months since I last wrote something, and I am so delighted to have broken through my writer's block at last that I'm posting it here. It, er, probably won't be quite so exciting for people who aren't me, because I doubt the Derren Brown and Kingdom Hearts fandoms have much overlap, but have a ridiculous crossover anyway!

(Luxord was terribly difficult to write. I'm still uneasy about him. The lesson to take from this: when writing fanfiction, try to focus on a character who has more than a dozen lines in the canon.

That said, I am massively tempted to attempt actual Derren/Luxord in the future.)


Title: Fair Play
Fandoms: Derren Brown/Kingdom Hearts
Rating: R, but only for language.
Wordcount: 4,600
Summary: Derren finds himself unceremoniously teleported to Castle Oblivion, there to meet Luxord, a man with a goatee and remarkable skill with cards. Wait a moment...
Disclaimer: This is entirely fictional.


( Fair Play )

I received a fabulously creepy letter from Allegedly Derren Brown today! He expressed his deep disappointment at my failure to participate in Enigma, wished me a happy birthday and concluded with the following paragraph:

Many plans have been made and, without giving everything away, I and several of your friends would be very glad to see you at the side of the boating lake in Regent's Park at, shall we say, six o'clock tomorrow morning. You may want to bring a swimming costume. Everyone's looking forward to watching seeing you.

The postmark on the envelope is for the seventeenth of July, so I have probably missed the Regent's Park incident. I have a feeling that this may be for the best. (And I have no idea who is responsible for this letter (well, obviously Derren Brown is responsible for it, but I get the feeling that he had some help), but it amused me immensely, so thank you!)


SPEAKING OF DERREN BROWN AND CREEPINESS, I was looking through one of my notebooks last night and came across this snippet, which I do not remember in the slightest:


"You see," Derren says, "beyond a certain point, intense pain becomes almost indistinguishable from intense pleasure." He shrugs as best he can against the restraints. "Or at least that's how I experience it."

"And you would so love to think you were unique," the Master says. "No, I don't think you're alone. I, on the other hand, prefer to inflict."


What - what were you writing, Riona?

(Another inexplicable snippet in here: "Oh, dear," Derren says. "I appear to have dropped my Death Note." And then there's a bit of Derren using alchemy to control Edward Elric's mind. Is there any fandom into which Derren Brown cannot be thrown?)


Finally, I was going to wait until I'd completely sorted out my university accommodation for next year before I posted this, but sorting out housing is a miserable business and I've decided I'd like a distraction. So!

Because, whilst there are many wonderful women in my fandoms, I do not write nearly enough about them:

Give me a prompt, and I'll write you a ficsnippet. Your prompt must include at least one female character.

I'm a little nervous about doing this, because it is almost certainly going to result in my attempting to write for characters I have never written before, but I have to start somewhere. Request away!

I have finished my Germany/Italy sentences for 1sentence! Nothing rated above PG in here, but I'd advise not reading if you're uncomfortable with the concept of Hetalia (anthropomorphic countries, light portrayal of war).


( Fifty sentences on the relationship between Germany and Italy. )

apiphile has had what I think is a rather lovely idea: write out a poem and leave it lying around for strangers to find. The poem, Poem For The Person Who Finds This Poem, is here, if you'd like to get involved yourself.

(Poetry and I haven't really got on for most of my life, and I always assumed that this was because I simply wasn't a poetry person, rather than a case of not yet having discovered the right poet.

As it turned out, apiphile was the right poet, and I am heartily in favour of spreading her words around.)


I really haven't been able to write lately, which is distressing. I suspect this may be because I have developed an interest in too many things lately and cannot settle on one fandom.

In an attempt to remedy this, I am going to steal a prompt table from 1sentence and write a little bit about everything that is clamouring for my attention, in the hope of clearing some space in my mind for a longer work.

And if it doesn't work, well, at least I'll have written something.

(As this isn't actually for the community, I reserve the right to exceed one sentence should I feel the need.)

I've filled twenty prompts below; I may or may not attempt the remaining thirty later. Organised by fandom, rather than prompt number. Fandoms represented are DN Angel (a tiny bit), Derren Brown, Silent Hill (in a crossover with Derren Brown), Kingdom Hearts, Merlin, Death Note, Top Gear, Iji (is there even an Iji fandom?) and Hetalia. Also, sos_your_face appears in one of them.


( DN Angel )

( Derren Brown )

( Kingdom Hearts )

( Merlin )

( Death Note )

( Top Gear )

( Iji )

( Hetalia )

Passing on a recommendation from kadrin: Iji is an excellent little free action-platformer. What really tempted me to play it was the fact that, if you choose to go through it whilst killing as few enemies as possible, the game recognises that and responds: the notes you find from enemies say 'hmmm, not sure what's going on with that human, she doesn't seem to be killing anyone' rather than 'oh God oh God she's going to destroy us all'; the dialogue in cutscenes is different. My housemate thinks I'm mad for downloading a shooter-platformer and then going 'YAY NOT SHOOTING ANYONE', but I think it's a rather nice touch. Also, the music is great, and I love reading all the logbooks.


I have a strange urge to write Satoshi/Daisuke DN Angel fanfiction. Here is the difficulty with Satoshi/Daisuke: writing something cute and fluffy and requited (and also a bit creepy, because Satoshi is involved, but mostly cute) is tempting, but it is almost impossible when Satoshi could snog Daisuke until his tongue broke off and Daisuke would still probably think he was just being friendly.

BE LESS OBLIVIOUS, DAISUKE.

The other difficulty is, of course, my complete inability to write anything lately. There are so many things I want to write! Why have you abandoned me, words?


Actually, here is a meme that may help! (Or not!)

Post a little weensy excerpt from as many random works-in-progress as you can find lying around. Who knows? Maybe inspiration will burst forth and do something, um, inspiration-y.

Let's see what we have here.


( Merlin/RPF: Bradley James wakes up in Camelot. )


( Time-Travelling Sky Pirates of Ivalice: Balthier, Fran and Captain Jack Harkness. )


( Prison Break: Michael Scofield is a real person, and everyone in his life is an actor. Spoilers up to the beginning of Season Three. )


( Top Gear/Torchwood/Silent Hill: Jeremy and James encounter Owen Harper. )


( Derren Brown/Kingdom Hearts: Derren is a Nobody. )


( Derren Brown/Supernatural: the Winchesters investigate mysterious psychic guy. )


( And three lines of Derren Brown working with Castiel. )


There is a very good chance that none of these will ever be finished, but I hope you enjoy the snippets, at least.

Sorry to members of derrenbrownfic, who will have seen this already, but moogle62 and I have started posting our Derren-as-the-Doctor's-companion cross-fandom epic over at andtimetravel. You can find the first section, In Which Derren Discovers That Doctor Who and Pokémon Are Not Quite As Fictional As He May Have Imagined, over here. 6,500 words, rated PG.


AND NOW FOR LESS IMPORTANT THINGS.

(Blacked out for spoilers for the fourth episode of Merlin, 'The Poisoned Chalice'; highlight to read:)


And I showed moogle62 a bit of Final Fantasy XII. She is completely in love with Balthier. As should we all be. (She is also in love with Vayne, despite never having heard him speak. Because she is massively shallow.)

Also, she, my dad and I had a conversation about football slash. (My dad had been looking for Rooney/Gerrard.) Because my family are awesome.

REALLY, THE POINT OF THIS ENTRY IS andtimetravel. Derren Brown as the Doctor's companion! We have had so much fun writing it, and we hope you enjoy reading it to the same extent.

Dear Anonymous Benefactor:

asfdgddjjhgadkjghagjfgjdfhgjfgjhgh thank you so much! PLEASE STEP FORWARD SO I CAN HUG YOU A LOT AND, I DON'T KNOW, WRITE YOU FANFICTION OR SOMETHING. Seriously, is there anything I can do for you?

(The icons! The polls! The advertlessness! The ability to edit comments! Oh, paid account, I have missed you.)

Because I feel like spreading the joy: please comment, whether you are my anonymous benefactor or not, with a concept you would really like me to write, and I shall attempt a sentence or a snippet or something of it. If I cannot manage it, I shall just tell you something I like about you. Possibly I shall do both.

(♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥)

Okay, of all the bad ideas I have ever implemented (and there are many), derrenbrownfic is my favourite. People have actually been posting things! Massively glee-inducing things!

Something that amuses me: there are now crossover tags for Supernatural, One Tree Hill, Death Note, Animaniacs, Top Gear, House, Harry Potter and Doctor Who. Eight fandoms. Derren Brown has been thrown into eight fandoms, and the community has only been in existence for a week.

Doesn't that make you want to write a load of Derren Brown crossovers, just to see how many fandoms we can get him into?

Well, I hope it does, because I appear to have become a massive Derren Brown fanfiction addict. I cannot stop checking the community! This is probably not healthy.


HERE IS A SELECTION OF BAD DERREN BROWN CROSSOVER IDEAS FOR YOU. (If the absence of Pokémon or Silent Hill surprises you, I may possibly be working on those already. BUT DO NOT LET THAT KEEP YOU FROM WRITING YOUR OWN CROSSOVER IF YOU FEEL INSPIRED.)

- Twilight. Not only is Derren Brown a ridiculously charismatic, mildly evil psychological illusionist; he is a ridiculously charismatic, mildly evil sparkling psychological illusionist vampire. He doesn't particularly want to kill people, but he is certainly not settling for inferior animal blood, so instead he chooses to immobilise his victims, hypnotise them into feeling no pain, make a few cuts and collect as much blood as he needs for the moment. And, yes, perhaps he enjoys making a bit of a performance out of these blood-draining sessions. Perhaps. An immortal being has to amuse himself, after all.

(EDIT: May possibly have written this one.)

- Life on Mars. 'My name is Derren Brown. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973.' With much focus on the is-this-real? aspect of things (Derren is extremely sceptical), and maybe possibly involving a little Derren Brown/Sam Tyler.

- Torchwood. The team develop suspicions about the origins of Derren's remarkable powers and the exact uses to which he is putting them, and so they investigate! Ineptly, of course.

- Final Fantasy XII. Derren is a sky pirate. Wait, what am I talking about? This would be a brilliant crossover idea. The only possible issue lies in the fact that I would almost certainly faint with glee were Balthier and Derren to interact, and fully appreciating fanfiction becomes somewhat more difficult when one is unconscious.

- Prison Break. NO, WAIT, THAT WOULD PROBABLY END VERY BADLY. Or perhaps Derren could use his psychological techniques to protect himself when other prisoners take a dislike to his being-overly-clever and his air of smugness? Yes, let's go with that, because I do not want Derren to get his toes chopped off. And Derren would become very jumpy, because it's all very well making someone believe his feet are stuck to the floor for long enough to allow one to run away, but one can only run so far when one is in prison.

Michael Scofield, of course, would become very interested in recruiting the man with the bizarre mind powers.

Here is a dilemma with which my brother presented me a couple of days ago:

Fred: Would you rather turn everyone who looked at you to stone or have snakes for hair?
Riona: I'd rather have snakes for hair.
Fred: But they bite you.
Riona: Oh. Are they poisonous?
Fred: No.
Riona: Right. I'd still rather have the snakes.
Fred: And they call up their vulture friends to peck at you.
Riona: I'd take away their mobile phones.
Fred: You've got no arms.

I love my family.

Whilst I'm recounting conversations, an exchange I had with a fellow English Language student on the bus:

Riona: I can never be allowed to have a child, because I'd just study its language and forget to feed it.
Nick: Social Services will come to take it away, and you'll just be going, 'No! It hasn't reached the jargoning stage!'
Riona: I've been watching the small child over there. I could kidnap it, write my dissertation on it...
Nick: 'The Baby I Stole', by Harriet Evans.
Riona: It'd make an impression.


I have now watched all but one episode of Derren Brown's old Mind Control series, and at the very end of one of the episodes, just after the credits, Derren Brown freaking poledances. I mean, all right, it's just a two-second shot of Derren revolving around a pole, fully clothed, but my reaction was still the verbal equivalent of '!!!!!' and a rapid rewinding.

You glorious lunatic, Derren.


derrenbrownfic, guys! I think all the people on my flist who would be interested may have joined already, but I thought I'd give a reminder just in case. (I maaaaaay be posting a Derren Brown/Robert Chase fic later today (EDIT: it's up there now!). It's got sex in it, and, as you know, I can't write sex scenes, so you can laugh at me.)

Oh, dear. I keep wanting to update, partly because I am bored and partly because finding myself confronted by the twin stares of Derren Brown and his Jigglypuff every time I visit my journal is starting to seriously unnerve me, but my fandom of the moment is this ridiculous imaginary universe in which Derren Brown is the Doctor's companion, and I don't want to ramble about that too much for fear of giving away everything that happens in the fic.

Perhaps I could write a few snippets in which Derren and the Doctor pop into fandoms that aren't going to show up in the actual story? Yes, I believe I shall.




"I've worked it out!" the Doctor announces. "The cliff face on the left is allergic to feet!"

There is a pause.

"The cliff is allergic to feet," Derren says.

"I thought maybe it was sunglasses, but it's definitely feet. See, all the Zoombinis with feet are on the other side."

"The cliff," Derren says. "Is allergic. To feet."

"Humans," the Doctor says, rolling his eyes. "Show them a species that's born wearing rollerskates and they'll still have trouble with a little allergic cliff."

-
"I'm sure there are more interesting places to visit than contemporary New Mexico."

"Contemporary for you, maybe," the Doctor points out. "I haven't been in 2008 for aaaaaages."

"I see," Derren says. "And is there any particular reason we've come to a school?"

The Doctor grins. Somewhere inside the building, a bell rings.

Derren's mind goes suddenly blank, and the next thing of which he is aware is dancing in a huge group of brightly-clad teenagers, singing enthusiastically about the end of the school day. He is more than a little perturbed by this. The mildly worrying issue of involuntary singing and the embarrassment of being twice the age of his fellow dancers aside, Derren is not particularly enthusiastic about the end of the school day. The end of the school day means there are many more Channel Four watchers on the street to stop him, making any sort of journey five times longer. The song is a highly inaccurate representation of his feelings.

When whatever has induced this (hopefully) temporary insanity forces him to drop to one knee and serenade the Doctor, however, he decides that accuracy is overrated.

-
Derren has a vague feeling that bursting into giggles may not be the wisest thing to do, given the circumstances. The circumstances, of course, being 'Derren is at present concealed in the undergrowth, downwind from a vampire with incredible speed, strength and senses, who has recently ripped the head off a still-living deer and is probably entirely capable of doing the same thing to Derren'.

But there are only so many reponses possible when a deadly, terrifying predator stands in the sunlight and sparkles.




Speaking of giant mechanical spiders, I have been rewatching the first season of One Tree Hill with my housemates, and I find myself massively 'shipping Haley/Peyton this time around. They would be adorable! Please tell me that there is Haley/Peyton in the future, One Tree Hill watchers.

You know how it goes: you're watching the first season of Prison Break, and you're really enjoying it. You like the characters, the setting, the premise. The only problem is that there just aren't enough Winchesters.

Oh, you know you were thinking it.



Title: The Lesser-Known Fox River State Penitentiary Blues
Fandoms: Supernatural/Prison Break
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 12,500 (complete, divided into two parts)
Summary: When Operation Folsom Prison Blues goes horribly wrong, Sam and Dean Winchester find themselves in Fox River State Penitentiary. Fortunately, Sam's new cellmate has a plan.
Spoilers: minor for the Supernatural episode 'Folsom Prison Blues' and the first season of Prison Break.
Disclaimer: The characters and locations portrayed do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: A thousand, million thanks to nomelon for being a wonderfully helpful and encouraging beta reader. You are amazing.



( The Lesser-Known Fox River State Penitentiary Blues, Part One )



Part Two

Happy birthday, wanttobeatree! The plan was just that I'd write a tiny drabblish thing and leave it in a comment to you with birthday wishes, but it became a little longer than I was expecting. Whoops. I hope you enjoy it, anyway.

(Also whoops-worthy: it's fairly obvious that I forgot entirely about the what-happens-if-you-try-to-get-out-of-the-deal clause. I suppose this is slightly AU, then. Erm.)



Title: Of Unconventional Dealbreaking
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: R for language.
Word Count: 2,200ish
Summary: Dean, much to his annoyance, gets turned into a unicorn.
Warnings: Spoilers for 'All Hell Breaks Loose Part Two'.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.

(EDIT: saaski_moql has, to my infinite joy, recorded a podfic! It's MP3 format, 9.5 MB, a little over ten minutes long, hosted on megaupload. You can talk to her about it over here. (And cybel has turned the file into a podbook, M4B format, 5 MB, which you can find here.))


( Of Unconventional Dealbreaking )

...asfhdhasjghsdghsdgdsgh.

You know the way you always get hit with two tonnes of fic inspiration when you've got deadlines and exams approaching? Yeah. With any luck, now that I've actually written this, I'll be able to get cracking on my work for university.

It was quite fun to write, I have to admit. I hope you enjoy it!


Title: Occupational Hazards
Fandom: Supernatural (reality/fiction crossover)
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 4,000ish
Summary: Okay, so Jared's possessed by Sam. That's a problem.
Warnings: Spoilers for 'No Rest for the Wicked', the third-season finale.
Disclaimer: The events portrayed in this story are entirely fictional. Sam and Dean Winchester do not belong to me.

(EDIT: mercuriazs is wonderful and has recorded a podfic version of this story! You can download it in MP3 format here (21 MB) or as an M4A here (31 MB); it's about twenty-three minutes long. If you enjoy it, be sure to tell her how awesome she is! (And cybel has made a podbook (M4B format, 11 MB)!))


( Occupational Hazards )

Oh, man, I've got no excuse for this whatsoever.


Title: Not the Music in Me
Fandoms: Supernatural/High School Musical
Rating: R
Word Count: 4,000ish
Summary: You know how at the end of High School Musical you found yourself thinking 'You know, someone really needs to write a Supernatural bodyswap crossover with this'? Wait, you didn't?
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.

(EDIT: counteragent has recorded a podfic! You can find it in her entry; it's the third one down. Enjoy!)


( Not the Music in Me )

THIS FIC CAN BE BLAMED ENTIRELY ON nomelon. Were it not for her post about teeny!Jared and her wonderful encouragement, it would never have been written. And hey, I've written a Supernatural fic that isn't angst!

Title: Small Worlds
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: R, for a tiny bit of language.
Word Count: 3,800ish.
Summary: Sam and Dean are hunting a Gorgon. Which would be annoying enough even if Sam hadn't somehow shrunk to ten inches tall.
Warnings: Set at some point between 'Tall Tales' and 'All Hell Breaks Loose'; very mild spoilers for 'Tall Tales'.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: Dedicated with thanks and love to nomelon. There are no pairings in here, but you're welcome to read as much or as little into it as you like.


( Small Worlds )